Our mind has the unique property of hiding the memories of the traumatic us emotions and events in the subconscious mind and just forget about them over time. This defense mechanism given to us to facilitate life, otherwise, we simply could not continue to live with a huge burden of negative experience.
How does this mechanism of “forgetting”? For example, you clashed with a neighbor or colleague at work. It is light stress in two or three days, the remembrance of that event go away, because you will be able to analyze their behavior in conflict situations, to make the desired insights and to make a decision on further tactics of behavior in case of repetition of a similar situation. In other words, you just “lived” again, without emotion, learned something new, and most importantly, realize the true causes of the conflict.
But there are other situations, memories which plagued us for months or even years. All these events have one thing in common: thinking about them, we can’t understand and call the true cause of what happened with us injustice. The vast majority of people tend not to blame yourself for what happened in trouble. Shifting the blame on others, they hold a grudge on life and people, promise yourself next time not to trust anyone. On such a sad note, over time, memories of the trauma overwritten.
But forget about the problem a little, you need to correctly overcome the work out. If this is not done by stepping on your own pain, you will be constantly “stepping on the same rake” to deepen resentment and accumulate negative life experience. When the reserves run out psyche and body will start depression or psychosomatic illnesses.
What to do if you have personal drama?
You opened another person, he believed, compromised their own interests, compromises, and he dumped you, told you lots of nasty things, lowering your self-esteem to zero. In my soul there’s anger, aggression and the desire to take revenge in a new relationship. It is safe to say that the rematch will not take place. And do I need it?
What you need to do to rise above the grievance and close the issue?
- Stay alone with yourself! Not “knock out a wedge a wedge”, not smash through rampant alcoholic Bender and not listen to anyone’s advice. Just live with the pain, resentment and fear, performing everyday actions. Be patient and eventually an answer to your questions will come to you and bring you relief. Perhaps it will just be a relief, but it will become real only if you could bear their pain, not to suppress it.
- If after a while you will wish to see to talk the culprit of your troubles – do not deny yourself this. Often after meeting rosy illusions dissipate, and you see someone in their true light.
- Every fruit has its own time. The previous two tips is definitely suited for people who deliberately came to the conclusion that more continue to live. Only then is there a natural need to pause, to rest, to understand yourself. And only if possible personal growth, the consequence of which will be acquired the ability to rise above the alarming situation. If you have the desire again to try the “stepping on the same rake” – step, until satiety. Someone will do it all my life, and someone will have a chance one day to say to yourself: “I can’t take it anymore, something to do!”
But if this is a problem in social life?
Anyway, and complete freedom from society available only to a select few. If you are a genius, very rich or very talented people, people will put up with your weirdness. The average rebel or a misanthrope doomed to a very severe test.
The socially anxious inherently talented, smart, thin, impressionable people with an open mind. They are heavier experiencing unfair system of the world and can’t understand why they reject. The socially anxious and turn in on themselves, becoming sharp, aggressive words. In fact, it’s just their protection, but others perceive it as a manifestation of the contemptuous and arrogant attitude to people.
Such people do not ladyatsya relationships at work and in any group. They tired to change jobs, closed in the four walls, adding to the injury situation. If sociophobe developed critical thinking, he can make the right decision, faced with the complete collapse of his own life. Otherwise people just degraded.
But to overcome fear.
- Realize that not only do you consider yourself an exceptional special, the rest of the surrounding is also a high opinion of himself. Unflattering, albeit fair, critique is able to safely absorb a few people today. If somehow you reason that the other person will lose face, you’ll only make an enemy. This is the basic principle.
- Convince yourself that You have nothing to lose, so you can afford just to play. For example, a new job or any new team, where you did not know before. The game has two rules: don’t lose face themselves or allow others to lose it. Don’t lose face – not to react emotionally to a situation, hurting your feelings, not to make impulsive behavior, obeying the first impulse. For example, if you say you are a fool, you just agree with it. Your opponent will lose the opportunity to continue the dispute, will be very surprised of such a reaction and can reflect on their behavior. Don’t be afraid to literally pass for a fool, life usually puts everything in its place.
This must be done at any cost, even if the voltage you want to scream, cry or run far. Even if you think your colleagues hate you for no reason, stay calmly and politely, do not release your fear. Convince yourself that you do not care how you are treated.
Gradually this behavior will become a habit, necessary and useful for life, and leave fear to be in society. And most importantly, you will truly be still, but not from a position immersed in the offense to life and surrounding people, and since the position of the host game rules independent observer for this game.
Remember that the hardest victory is victory over yourself!